Remembering My Brother

The darkest day I’ve ever been a part of was on May 25, 2009. My world was shattered when I got a phone call from my father who, in tears, told me my only brother had passed away in the night. He was only 53. A crushing loss for my parents... and a deep, permanent wound to me. This Sunday, May 16th, we are having a memorial service to commemorate the first anniversary of his passing. I am with my parents in Chicago for this observance.

I loved my brother, and there isn't a day that I don't miss him in some way or another. Now, a year after his passing, that emotion is less acute - it has become background noise, part of who I am. Except for those occasions when I remember just how much it hurt, and that time is unforgiving. I miss him when I see or hear things that were special to him. For instance, he adored the Beatles... forever humming one of their songs - big hits and more arcane fare alike. He was a 50s western TV show buff, having collected all episodes of The Rifleman, Gunsmoke and The Wild Wild West. And he loved SciFi: a czar on all facts and trivia from Star Trek, The Avengers and The Prisoner... I am sure I will never be able to see any Star Trek episode (or even a Priceline ad!) without tearing up.

So often I think of something I want to tell him - or a trivia question I want to ask him. It kills me because we had so many thing to do still, so many laughs, so many moments we hadn’t shared yet. I’ll never see him old. Everything stopped that day.

The painting pictured here is one I did a few years ago as a father's day present. It was inspired by an old B&W photo from one of our annual family vacations in Union Pier, Michigan. My brother is 2 or 3 years old here. many of my recurring memories of him are from our childhood, - including those summers in Michigan. He was so earnest and so badly wanted to be involved with the older kids - all of us cousins. We gave him short shrift much of the time. I resented the charge I was given to be sure to take care of him and include him in our games. Oh to have a chance at a re-do... or just one more day in which I could tell him how much I loved him!

We read about - and witness -people who are never satisified with having enough in life. My brother Vytautas was the opposite. He loved life. Simple things made him happy. In fact, he was the happiest person I have ever known. All his life, even throughout his adult life, he was like a big kid.

There is a quote from the new testament: John 12:25 “He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal." Meaning people who love life and live authentic, spiritually rich lives will lose their earthly life and go to heaven. Those who hate life are going to hate their eternity as well. If anyone is in heaven, my brother Vytautas is. And I know he is happy...as he always was here.