Intrinsic Rewards

"You like me! You really like me!"

-Sally Field (upon receiving the 1979 Academy Award for Norma Rae)

Much as I tell myself that awards, formal recognition for my art, does not matter - that I paint to express what is inside of me, I still felt a thrill and a warm rush of acceptance and validation when I learned that I had won First Prize in the Chatham Creative Arts Center Spring art show. I felt especially good because the quality of the art in this lovely show was excellent. Frankly, I would have been honored to get any recognition at all when placed with these works. I am honored and grateful for this recognition from a respected artist juror.

After the initial glow (no sign of wearing off yet!), I got to wondering about validation, acceptance and self-acceptance. I have been an active artist now for more than 15 years... most of that time as a part-time art student. Still, after all this time and after having been accepted into quite a few juried shows and actually won awards, I am still not completely comfortable telling anyone I am "an artist." As though I haven't earned that title... So, what would it take to make me feel entitled to that title?

Possibly my hesitation has stemmed from the fact that I have primarily seen myself as someone LEARNING art... learning the techniques, learning to see, learning to express. Since I am a representational painter, whether or not I have learned enough, that is, whether my work is good enough, is readily apparent... and as long as I can see room for improvement, I have a hard time considering the work "art." Although this may be a very restricted view. After all, since Duchamp signed R. Mutt on a urinal, it seems anything goes as "art!"

Although still self-conscious, I am stuttering less when I let that term "artist" roll off my tongue when describing myself. Perhaps because I have a bit more learning under my belt now... or perhaps because I have received external recognition, and so, validation. But mostly, I think it is because I am less afraid. Less afraid to blunder, less afraid to reveal... Maybe I am braver because I am more experienced, or perhaps just because I am more mature in general. In The Art Spirit, Robert Henri writes, "We are living in a strange civilization. Our minds and souls are so overlaid with fear, with artificiality, that often we do not even recognize beauty. It is this fear, this lack of direct vision of truth that brings about all the disasters in the world." I believe that - especially that fear inhibits our ability to see or respond to beauty.

So am I an artist? An artist makes art, sees art in the world around her and, most importantly, feels art in her heart. Whether she sells her art or not does not matter. What matters is that she makes art. By that definition, I say "yes!" I am an artist... and I would tell any other person who wondered the same, "Make art and you are an artist. If you never put it down on paper, canvas, clay or stone, you only have ideas, not art. Your ideas might be brilliant but until it is tangible others cannot enjoy or appreciate your art."

Having said that, it sure does feel good to have some else say they like you, too!